Soft Resurrection
by HalcyonSeasons
Summary: Initial post-BD/time-travel WIP: This isn't the forever that Bella signed up for. Suddenly being abandoned? No. Murdering her best friend? Never. Due to her own selfish mistakes, everything has come crashing down. Looks like Bella's just going to have to do what any other indecisive girl with a ruined fate would do: she's going to do it all over again. Eventual JxB. CURRENT HIATUS.


_**Soft Resurrection**_

* * *

_Don't be afraid of me, don't be ashamed / Walk in the way of my soft resurrection_

_Idol of roses, iconic soul. I know your name / Lead me to war with your brilliant direction_

_Lana Del Rey, "Bel Air"_

* * *

**Prologue**

_You shouldn't regret a thing, Bella. It's not your fault._

_Only it is._

Regret was never an unfamiliar thing to me. It had never really been introduced to me when I was a child, or a major announcement that occurred to me. I hadn't done _just one_ thing wrong or had _just one_ moment where I thought, _Look, I've done something wrong. I won't ever do it again._ Everything that I seemed to do or take part in was burned with remorse that I couldn't ignore or forgive myself for. I couldn't imagine a time where I ever did anything without feeling guilty of something else later. Especially now.

I didn't know how others did it: lying to themselves like things were okay. It was impossible. This most definitely _was_ my fault, and I couldn't help but have the guilt overwhelm me. I couldn't stop or deny it.

I couldn't deny the fact that my best friend (whom I still loved) was dead, and it was _my_ entire fault.

* * *

I hadn't given Renesmee detailed instructions about what to do about the imprinting. I hadn't sat her down one night and said, "Now, sweetie, you can't just try to ruin Jacob." I'd never thought she would. Didn't being the object of somebody's imprint include signing an unsaid contract? I had never heard of someone being imprinted upon and then _not_ accepting the wolf who imprinted on them. It just didn't happen. With an imprint, the couple was supposed to be mated for life. It was the closest thing to the connections between mated vampires that I'd ever seen.

So things were my fault now, but they hadn't been before. It wasn't my fault that Renesmee had tried to use Jacob even more than she already had and he'd denied her…

Even though it truly _was_ my fault.

* * *

It wasn't a simple story. It had never been. No story of a vampire single-handedly killing her best friend with ugly lies and even uglier truths was _simple_. Simply chaos, sure, but just simple? Never. It didn't matter that the Cullens and I (since I was never _really_ a Cullen) had had a family façade. That was in the past now—the far past. All that was left of them was the burned remains of a house that had once been beautiful. A house that had once concealed secrets but made people happy. A house that I'd thrived in. I'd lived in that house, I'd died in that house, and I'd lived again in that house. I'd gotten married in that house and I'd even given birth in that house.

The house—even in its ugly form—remained, though.

The Cullens didn't, as if that really mattered.

Jacob didn't.

The thought of what I'd done made me sick. I wanted to double over and cry the tears that could never come out. I wanted to scream at Renesmee and Jacob's dead body hanging in that fucking closet and myself and the _whole entire world_ because this wasn't what I signed up for.

No.

This wasn't what forever was supposed to be. Edward hadn't promised me this. He hadn't promised me a forever spent alone after breaking the hearts of everybody. He'd promised a lot of things, but definitely not that.

Edward had lied.

Of course he had.

At least _Jacob_ hadn't promised me this. At least _Jacob_ hadn't given me so much false hope only for it all to come crashing down in so little time.

Then again, it wasn't _my_ heart that Jacob had had to keep intact. No, this wasn't about me at all.

I turned to Renesmee, and I really could admit that it was kind of her fault. I'd never promised to sugarcoat anything. I'd never promised anything at all. If I'd made any promises in the past, it had been to break any further promises.

So yeah, it was kind of her fault. It was kind of mine, too. The blame could go around—not very far, but still around—for a little while. It would always come back to me, but it would always, always, _always_ go back to her.

_No, Bella. You were wrong._

_It's not your entire fault, after all._

* * *

_**A/N: **__*taps on mic* Anybody there? No? Yes? Maybe? I am starting a new story. I figured that since Kinda Outta Luck is coming to a close, Vindictive Temptation is just getting started, and Flirting With the Monsters is just floating around, I could start a new story. Here are the things you should know:_

_-This isn't going to be that long. Maybe twelve chapters, at most._

_-It's a sequel to a one-shot I wrote a while ago, titled __**A Nomadic Point of Madness**_**.**

_-Reading that story isn't required (but it would really help)._

_-This is a Jacob x Bella story._

_-It involves time travel._

_-It's post-BD._

_-It's rated T, just to be on the safe side. The rating may change (for the more adult) later._

_-Stick with me. I'm gonna need it._

_-I love feedback. :)_

_And with that, I'll be updating the next time I can._

_Be rad,_

_MusicTwilightLove. xoxo_


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